A poll released early this morning revealed that many Americans are still heavily divided as to who should be the next person to run the country into the ground.
“I really don’t like either candidate, but someone has to lead the country backward”, offered Shane Maytag, a 31 year old Systems Analyst.
Heather Newberry, 26, agreed. “Yeah, both candidates suck, but someone’s gotta destroy the future of our nation.”
The poll, conducted by Pew Research, showed that as many as 42% of Americans support Clinton, and 37% favor the New York Billionaire Trump. The remaining 21% favor another candidate or are undecided.
“I’m a big Johnson guy – no pun intended”, joked Ryan Nussbaum, 38. “And if someone’s really gonna obliterate our quality of life, crash our economy and take away our freedoms, I’d really like to see him do it.”
“I still haven’t decided on whom I would prefer to unjustly bomb a random Middle-Eastern nation”, offered Penelope Anders, a social worker from Los Angeles. “As long as someone does it though, does it really matter who?”
Researchers say this election is historically divisive, with nearly half of Americans supporting either a corrupt, illicit dealmaker, and the other half supporting an illicit deal-maker who is corrupt.
“Only time will tell who Americans come out in support for.” said lead pollster Bryan Nagle, 31. “But one thing’s for sure, things are either gonna get bad, or worse.”